Sad

I just left probably the saddest funeral I have ever been to. Granted I have been blessed with not having been too many funerals, but nonetheless, they have been for people who were sick or older and had lived a rather full life. Today's funeral was for a neighbor, two houses over from us in our culdesac. A neighbor who's son played with our kids and who we chatted with often on days we were all out enjoying the great weather. Shockingly and tragically he committed suicide last Friday out in a country area where he used to fish. I am still in a state of disbelief that our neighborhood has been shaken up by such a loss.

The question "why" was apparent on everyone's face present at the service today. A question we're told not to ask, as there will be no answers. A question, not worth asking, now that the deed is done and all that's really left is an opportunity to celebrate Joseph's life. But what breaks my heart so much more today is seeing our friend, Shannen, Joseph's wife, and their 7 year old son, Noah, having to go through the motions and be a star in a role they didn't ask for in this almost surreal tragic story. And while we didn't know Joseph as well as we would have liked, the entire neighborhood knew that his family was his world, especially Noah. It was rare not to see him outside playing catch or soccer with Noah. Rare not to have him offer a helping hand to anyone, any time it was needed.

Overall, the service was beautiful. Done in a beautiful Catholic church, the same one Joseph and Shannen were married in and the same one connected to the elementary school they have Noah enrolled in. His death was tactfully handled and the fullness of the congregation was an honest representation to how many people Joseph touched with his life. An even more special notion to me, was all of the neighbors within the culdesac were represented and sat mourning together. A feeling that shows just how a neighborhood can become your "home" in a broader sense than just being where your house is located. We are blessed to live in such a place.

Sorry to be such a downer today with a post unlike my others. Just felt the need to share my feelings today. I think the loss of my grandma a week and a half ago and now this tragic turn of events, is making me miss all my loved ones more and wanting to grasp on to every precious moment I can. You never know what life is going to bring you - spread your love daily - you never know really what's going on in someone else's life so you never know how much your smile or simple gesture of help may effect them and their choices. And don't worry, I promise I'll be fine. :) The kids and I have plans to attend the city baseball team's opening game tonight with a friend since Papa Vaughn is working. We have gorgeous, although perhaps a bit too warm, weather predicted for the weekend and no real plans, so we'll be able to just enjoy each other and make some more happy memories.